oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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