he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
