soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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