apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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