it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no. you can't hotbox the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
