i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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