And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize