I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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