I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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