I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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