mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
