i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
