matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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