Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
