So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
