Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
