Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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