Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
