She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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