some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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