I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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