We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
