I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
