I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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