the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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