Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
