Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
