wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
