I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
