Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
