is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
