You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
