Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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