Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
