you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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