I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
