I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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