It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need a beard to bite.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
