Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
