I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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