I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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