Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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