Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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