I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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