That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
