You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
