haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My feet surprised me
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