I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i now understand why vodka
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
