I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
