I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
