I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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