how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
