Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
