The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
