Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
