I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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