I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
