Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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