Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
