anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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