omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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