I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
