so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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