No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
