You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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