Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The air taste purple.
Randomize