girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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