He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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