you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize