Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i drank out of a bidet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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