Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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