A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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