Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
