And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
