The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They took my balls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
